It's like God shit irony all over that family
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
