It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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