I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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