Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
