Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
