just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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