Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
