I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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