wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
