I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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