Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
