I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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