i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
its liver damage thursday
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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