She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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