I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
