when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
