Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's blow job season.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
