the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
