Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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