I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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