I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
