it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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