One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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