Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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