Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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