I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
