There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
