i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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