i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
