I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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