I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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