That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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