but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
