I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
