so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
