his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize