Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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