..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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