The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
