lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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