can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
