he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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