nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
