Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I love you. Go after that dick
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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