We won't sleep together?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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