I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
