i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
