Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
