I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
