After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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