The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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