It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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