If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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