I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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