It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
