Acid is not a monday night drug
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
