got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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