Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
