I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
