The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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