I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
