When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
