You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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