ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I had to cum in my sink.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
