i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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