i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
