You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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