Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
