her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
that's an acceptable place to lick
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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