so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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