I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you had me at cake vodka
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
